“Let Men Be Human Too”: Diego Alphonso Calls for Compassion and Support during Men’s Mental Health Month

In a society where men are often expected to be strong, silent, and stoic, it can sometimes feel like a breach of an unwritten rule to acknowledge emotional struggles. In recognition of Men’s Mental Health Month, we met with Mr. Diego Alphonso, former head of the Men’s Affairs Bureau and current official within the Gender Affairs Bureau at the Ministry of Human Services and Social Security. With decades of experience in advocating for men and families, Mr. Alphonso discussed the changing narrative surrounding men’s emotional well-being, the need for social change, and his own notions and experiences with mental health.

Diego Alphonso – Gender Affairs Bureau (Ministry of Human Services and Social Security)

Mr. Alphonso stated that while the dialogue about men’s mental health in Guyana is evolving, the path remains long and burdened by stigma. “There still remains some myths, some misunderstanding, some barriers,” he stated. “We still have the issues of stigma, certain words that are used to articulate mental health issues that creates and  contributes to that stigma, words like mad, weird, ‘your head ain’t good,’ ‘something wrong with you.’”

These harmful terms often dissuade men from seeking care in times of struggle that can manifest within men. “If it comes to the point where a man needs to reach out and get help, he would think about what people would think or say about him,” he added.

Myth of Strength

According to Alphonso, one of the most common barriers is the idea that vulnerability is weakness. “A man speaking about his mental struggles or his emotions is perceived in his mind and by society as a weakness,” he explained. “Men are expected to always present this image of being strong, in control, and unbothered. And so a man may not want to make himself vulnerable or transparent to say, ‘I need help.’”

He pointed out that these mindsets began in childhood. “From small, (boys hear) the things about not showing emotions, not crying. You could be teased or tantalized… called names like ‘you’re a girl,’ ‘you’re weak,’ ‘you’re soft.’ So they grow up with that orientation and socialization.”

The Cost of Your Silence

The consequences of bottling things up are severe. “If a man keeps internalising things from small and bottling it up, after a time it has to find some way to come out. Very often, it comes out in antisocial behaviour, in violence against women, suicidal tendencies, or suicide itself,” said Alphonso. “Incidentally, men are committing suicide the most in Guyana, the Caribbean, and around the world.”

Creating Safer Spaces for Men

When asked how we can begin to dismantle these toxic norms, Alphonso emphasised public awareness and empathy. “It comes down to every one of us. If you see a man dealing with something, don’t make him feel uncomfortable or bad if he talks about it or shows emotions. Let him know that it’s okay.”

He also urged men to find someone they trust, “a professional, a mature friend, a religious leader” and speak. “Even if it’s just somebody who you can vent to and get everything out. You can go seek a counsellor”.

Being strong doesn’t mean being silent

The perception that men must always be strong can be more damaging than helpful. “Someone said they got a mental breakdown from being strong for too long,” Alphonso shared. “It was more of a persona of being strong. So you have to be careful. You’re telling someone, ‘Be strong,’ but the same person is saying, ‘That’s my problem I’ve been strong for everybody else for so long.'”

Instead, true strength, he says, lies in honesty: “To say, ‘Listen, I’ve been trying my best, but I feel like I’m giving in. I need help. I can’t do this alone.’ That’s not a weakness. That’s being responsible and wise.”

Signs of a Mentally Healthy Man

Mr. Alphonso highlighted the importance of emotional intelligence as a key trait of mentally healthy men. “An emotionally intelligent person is intentional about staying calm under pressure, chooses their battles and has empathy,” he explained. “They understand that people lashing out might be hurting inside. Hurting people, hurt people.”

“They don’t retaliate with the same energy,” he continued. “Later, the very people who were lashing out may thank them and say, ‘You showed me love when I  was going through a lot and at my worst. And I thank you for that. ” An emotionally intelligent person sees the bigger picture. Shows empathy and has a good, healthy state of mind. And are always seeking new knowledge, learning to socialise and relate to other people with all different kinds of personalities.

Throughout our conversation, one truth rang consistently clear: men are not machines, and masculinity should never be defined by silence or suffering. “Mental health is a state of mental well-being that enables people to cope with the stresses of life,” Mr Alphonso said. “That means nobody is exempt from mental health challenges.”

Written By: Hillon La Cruz